Pane

eyes into my soul are broken panes
of sunflowered glass
no longer filtering the world
and letting petals fall into me.
i've spent years looking around
looking for something worth seeing
with sunflowered eyes
being a map of sorts
to find treasure in the forest.
now, staring straight ahead
at the dawning of the light
i've broken the glass
so the rays of dawn come through
untouched by sunflowers.
at the back of a dark room
i stand in shards
cutting myself to better see you.
beaming white and green forest light
coming to rest at my feet
so i can just be seen
at the edge of recognition.
i stare into you,
trying to see past your own dark glass
and steal a small glimpse inside.
waiting

waiting

waiting
with the coming of the dawn
you blossom before me,
green as life, coloured deep by the forest
and surrounded by the face of the sun.
on a breeze, petals falling from your hands
and face and mind and body
slide along the currents
through shattered sunflowered glass
and shining
as they float to me.
if i could move into the light

i could touch you.

all these little, ghostly bits of you
floating in the soft beam
of morning light at my feet,
taunting me.
on each petal a word,
each group a poem,
each poem a knife,
each knife slicing away a little more of my cowardice and fear,
worn as my shell for these past years.
the sting is so nice with such sharp blades.
each cut is hot,
scarring me, staining me.
how can i stand such mutilation?
how can i not when faced with such fire.
cauterize as you cut, that i don't bleed overmuch,
cut quickly, that i don't draw back with a hiss,
press the petals against my body to heal me -
as i do for you.
brave the glass and let your arms bleed
reaching through shattered eyes
of sunflowered glass
as i reach into you too.

we can't reach, so i move into the light.
don't stop me, i want to touch.
it hurts, but don't stop me, i want to touch.
it burns, it hurts, but don't stop me, i want to touch.
i want this hurt again.
i want this healing.

i say it with eyes and words and lips and fingertips:
i want to touch,
so let me burn.